I’m “on hold“ with Wells Fargo Financial.  I called to ask if,  instead of mailing my payment in, could I just go to my nearby Wells Fargo Bank to make my Wells Fargo Financial payment.  I already pay my Wells Fargo Auto Leasing bill at Wells Fargo Bank. The phone representive wasn’t sure, so she went to ask her supervisor.  I don’t like to mail bills in because too many companies claim they get the bills days after they really do, so they can charge late fees. And they don’t save the postmarked envelopes which would solve many a dispute -- because that would require efficiency and competence.  I researched this, and    believe me, there’s some nefariousness going on  --  Some companies actually have you send your payment to a post office box, or an address, where it should be credited as delivered. But no. That address then sends it to its’ final address. That’s when they credit you, adding one to three days to the receiving date and probably adding millions to their coffers in late fees, in what should be an illegal scam.  But I scatter...

Eventually, she returns with “No, you can’t do that.  We’re a different company.”

“You’re a different company? Shouldn’t one of you sue the other one for using the other one’s name? I think I’ll call them and tell them what you’re doing.  Or tell you what they’re doing.  Are we the only ones that know? What did you say your name is? This could be huge. Please put me through to your CEO.  I will offer to represent your company.  I must know your complete name. And your social security number.”

"I can't give you my social security number, sir."      

"I gave you mine," I remind her.

“Just a minute sir,”  and she’s gone.  I wish I could hear how she runs this by whoever she’s talking to.  Surely there is some comedy going down without an audience.  Jean-Paul Sartre might argue that something funny is released into the “all-ness,” and that  “Funny is funny, even if there is no audience. 
What is funny, is funny regardless. The universe knows.”  Then he’d giggle, pull up his T-shirt, and rub his tummy real fast until it made a squeaky sound. 

She’s back:  “I don’t have that information sir, I can give you our corporate e-mail address. “

“E-mail address? We’re on the phone.  I have to get a new communication device? What if I’m naked in the desert? Or I don’t have fingers.  How ‘bout you give him my cell phone number, and you give me his, and we’ll hook up on our own.”

There is a very long silence.
Quietly I ask, “You still there?”
“Yes I am, sir.”
“Okay. Good-bye.”

Tags: Wells Fargo Bruce Baum Blog Financial Bills Dispute Banks Phone On Hold

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