When I was in the hospital getting my chemo, I would be there for a week, then 2 weeks home until my white count was down to zero.  I'd get an infection, then spend the next month getting antibiotics, blood products, and whatever else they could think of to put up the port in my arm.

The hospital was a teaching hospital, so I'd have people coming in & out of my room all day & night long.  So, here I am, nothing to protect me from germs, with an infection that you would put some Bactine on and I would be looking at death, with students parading in and out of my room.  The word for germitis is 'neutropenic'.

So one day, I have this student nurse come to visit me. She tells me that the hospital was doing a study about hospital infections and she needed a stool sample.  I said good luck, and told her to leave the jar and stick and if I could hel her, I will.  At that time I was shitting MAYBE once a week, if I was lucky, from no appetite, a voluminous amount of narcotics, blood transfusions, and the antibiotics.  So nothing for her that day.

She returns the next day, asking, "Do you have a stool sample for us?"  US?!?!?!  How many people will be playing in my shit?  I told her no, not today.  "Well, maybe tomorrow." she replied.

OK, so now, after four days and no 'sample', this skinny little girl with long black hair tells me, "Well I need the stool sample today, so we need to do this manually."  I really didn't like the sound of that.  Some student nurse spelunking in a sea of mucus membrane that can find a germ with its pores closed.  I finally lost patience with he and told her to get the hell out of my room and bring my RN back with her.  She figured the RN would back her, it was a hospital study, after all, so he gladly got my nurse.  Peggy, my nurse, comes in as I'm screaming and yelling and swearing to wring that nurses neck if she so much as looks at my asshole funny!  Peggy explains to the quivering and teary child she will have to do without my shit.  After she leaves, Peggy starts laughing so hard, I thought I'd have to ring my bell for her!  When she finally caught her breath, she told me I scared that girl so bad, she ran out of the ward!  I also found out the girl lied to me.  This was for a homework assignment in her class on germs!

Never saw her again and my shit is still my own!

Tags: Nurse Cancer Story Shit

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