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Sunday February 8^th, 2009 - Memphis, TN/Kenosha, WI

Memphis will always have pleasant memories for me no matter if I’m ever booked here again or not. After the late show last night I said my final goodbyes at the club to the staff and they were all very complimentary of my show and said they always thought I was one of if not the most favorite comics that came through town. And a few may have meant it.

Actually I think they all meant it. I usually try to keep to myself with a club’s staff for a lot of reasons. I’m never rude but I don’t go out of my way to hang out with them because I don’t think anything good ever comes out of it. Sure, it’s fun for those who might like to party a little but as for me it’s always been smart business to let them come to me first.

IF someone on the staff decides to talk to me I try to be as nice as humanly possible as I do to all who approach me but looking to befriend them is a different story. I’ve seen a lot of strange things happen between comics and club staff on a lot of levels and I don’t want to bog myself down with that. I’ve got enough other problems to work on in my own life.

One of them was riding eleven hours home with my comedian tag along friend that now ranks as my biggest mistake of 2009 so far. By the time we hit St. Louis I wanted to get a cab and pay someone else to drive me home just so I could get some peace and quiet.

I like to be quiet in the car when I drive long distances. I always have. I like to allow all my ideas to float around my head and then leak out my ear for me to bounce around for a while and think it over. Sure I like music and sports talk and I listen to stuff but as a rule I like to keep it quiet because it allows me to think and be creative. That’s just how I like it.

Of course he is exactly the opposite and insisted on playing me HIS favorites which was bad enough until he started singing along with them at the top of his voice. I truly wanted to drive into an oncoming train to stop the pain but I sat and gritted my teeth for the entire 650 mile trip. This is the kind of mind torture the Chinese have been using for centuries.

He really is a harmless person and doesn’t mean to be anything but positive and in fact I can’t stop him from talking about being positive because he corrects me every time I may let a negative statement leak out. He’s not only a glass is half full kind of guy he wants to walk around with a pitcher filling up everyone else’s glass whether they want it or not.

I’m sure he means well but by the Missouri state line I was considering the positives of a murder/suicide and making a pretty good case to myself. By the time we got to Chicago my nerves were frazzled and my energy was drained and we drove eleven hours together from 4:30am to 3:30pm. I felt like I had just finished a marathon doing the crab walk.

We’ve worked together before and it’s worked out ok but this time it was a chore and a hassle and I don’t know how to deal with it in the future. We have a booking coming up a couple of weeks from now but it’s one night and only a couple of hours away. I’m hoping to just move on and next time he asks to tag along with me I don’t answer my phone.

I hate to be that way but I have no patience for stuff like this. I try to be polite and think of the other person and avoid conflicts and confrontations and clashes whenever I can but this whole trip pushed every single button I have and right now I feel like I’m worn out. It was a complete lack of fun for me but I don’t think he has any idea he made that happen.

Could I tell him? I guess so but would that change anything? I doubt it. People are who they are and I respect that. I’m the first one to admit I’m a loopy bastard filled with quirks but they’re MY quirks and I know how to deal with them. I don’t need to baby sit others.

Many years I worked with Shirley Hemphill from the TV show ’What’s Happening?’ It was the first celebrity I ever worked with for a whole week and I sure did get an education from her. She was from the mountains of North Carolina and shot straight from the hip. If she liked or didn’t like something she’d let everyone know and then nobody was unsure.

I watched how she handled herself and she ALWAYS drove herself places like to do an interview on radio or TV. She never wanted to be beholden to someone to pick her up and she took responsibility. She also NEVER took a free meal from anyone. She paid for it in full because then if she didn’t like something she could complain about it without guilt.

I thought that was a little harsh when I first saw it but now I realize she did the very best thing she could have done and kept control of the situation. If the guy that’s with me sang in her rental car she’d have either thrown him out or tried to out sing him herself but it’s a call she would have made herself. I didn’t want to make it because I was trying to be nice.

‘Nice’ never does it. It just doesn’t. Nice people get shot in the head or mugged or taken advantage of in a Bernie Madoff money scam. Nice people have to foot the bill for all the others who aren’t so nice and that alone makes me want to puke up my vanilla pudding.

I’m a nice guy too. I think I’m doomed but that’s just who I am. I try to help everyone I can in any way I can but even when I can’t I don’t try to annoy them on purpose. This is a situation where I think the guy doesn’t see how much energy he drained from me all week and how I don’t even want to deal with it anymore. I just don’t want to be near this vibe.

I’ve got work to do in a lot of areas. I know that. If I keep letting this kind of stuff take a foothold it’s going to drain all the positive energy I do have and I can’t afford that now. It isn’t doing any good for me to have wasted a whole other week dealing with all this stuff.

On a good note the Mothership Connection radio show on AM 1050 WLIP in Kenosha, WI went great again tonight. We had interesting guests and interested callers and we are a work in progress but one worth paying both dues and attention. This is a very good team.

Driving 650 miles from Memphis starting at 4:30am and being a worn out babbling half wit didn’t help the show prep or make it better. Still, we had an interesting program and if I stay around here I have to believe I can at least avoid the physical hell of being in an old car driving from an old hotel hearing an old comic telling me old stories. THAT’S old.

Tags: Shirley Hemphill

Saturday February 7^th, 2009 - Memphis, TN

I’m in Memphis and thinking about marketing. Who better to model than Elvis Presley? We do have one thing in common - five letters in our first name and seven in our last. It’s about all we have in common but at least it’s a start. Elvis is the ultimate marketing study.

Is there a bigger single name in the entertainment industry in the last 50 years than Elvis Presley? Do we really need the Presley? Elvis is a one name dynamo that conjures images of sideburns, swinging hips and a glitter jumpsuit. Viva Las Vegas. Blue Suede Shoes. A hunk o’ hunk o’ burnin’ love. I don’t think there will ever be another act as big as he was.

The reason for it is he was the ultimate example of somebody being in the right place at the right time and everything fell together. Did he have talent? Absolutely. Charisma? He was bathing in it. Good looks? Chicks threw themselves at him. He had it all. Elvis really was the king and he lasted for twenty years alive and even longer dead. What can I learn?

Uh, after thinking about it for a while I learned I am not even close to being Elvis other than having the same amount of letters in our first and last names. He hit it at 22 and was dead before he reached the age I am now. I guess I’ll have to forge my own life story and nobody will probably ever want to tour my house when I’m dead other than a junk hauler.

Still it was fun to take a ride over to Graceland and walk around a little. Last time I was there I took the tour but I didn’t need to again and just walked around and took in the gift shops looking for marketing ideas. I’m starting to think like an entrepreneur and no place on Earth is a better example of marketing than Graceland. I had fun watching it all work.

Elvis was the ultimate redneck in many ways. Most of them have a car on blocks in the yard but Elvis has a JET. That’s class. People pay to walk through an airplane parked in a parking lot. That’s a classic example of American entrepreneurial genius if I ever saw it. I’m sure Elvis was probably sick of being Elvis but he sure was a moneymaking machine.

My friend who tagged along on this trip is starting to really get on my nerves. He’s nice and all that but his quirks are not my quirks and we almost came to blows over it when he wanted to have me park in a parking lot to avoid getting my window smashed because he saw a pickup truck in front of me with a smashed window. It got to the point of yelling.

I try to be very easygoing but he was nagging me like a granny and I couldn’t take it for much longer and I blew my cork pretty good. It’s MY car and MY trip and if I want to get broken into damn it that’s MY call. He wouldn’t let it go and it pissed me off and I blew.

I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset me so much but he pushed all my buttons and it really chapped my ass. I can’t deal with that trivial little minutia very well and that’s probably a good reason why I never got married. I’d rather be alone and do things my way than have to suck it up and shut my mouth and be miserable because someone else thinks it should be done a different way. Sorry, if I’m paying the bills Mr. Lucky calls the shots. Period.

Other than that this has been a fun week. The feature act is a funny kid out of Charlotte named Carlos Valencia who’s a little green but has a sharp mind and nice potential. He’s in his twenties and wears a porkpie hat like the Blues Brothers and looks Jewish and does jokes about it. He’s a nice kid and I enjoyed working with him. I think he’s got a future.

People used to tell me I was that kid when I was in my twenties too. ‘You’ve got a nice thing going there kid’ they’d say. ‘Stay with it.’ Well I did stay with it and now I’m a guy telling other kids to do the same. Carlos and I had a nice talk backstage about where he is going and what his goals are and he’s got a firm grasp of the offstage part of the business.

That’s something that I had to work at and still do. I used to just do what I thought was funny and not worry about what anyone else thought. I thought if the audiences laugh I’ll get bookings. HA! How stupid was I? I didn’t realize how much of a political campaign a career in show business actually is. Hell, LIFE is a political campaign. We all deal with it.

Someone should write a book about that subject. If I knew more on how to be good at it I would but I’d BUY the book of someone who could show me how to hide my boredom and disdain for total imbeciles and not have them know it. I’ve never been able to do that.

On the other hand if I like someone they REALLY know it. I feel that way about all of the people here at the club this week. The owners John Marks and Sammy Martin are two of the nicest and most honest people I’ve ever worked with and for and I would drive here for nothing and help them out if they ever needed me. They are on my all time faves list.

I think it’s a kindred spirit thing. Those guys are slugging it out just like I am and they’d be out on the road trying to feed their families just like I am if it weren’t for them running this club. Now they’re closing it in two weeks and they aren’t sure what they’ll be doing.

They have the same concerns as I do about the economy and the comedy business and a future income after the road days are over. They’re both my age and that’s just how it is. I bonded with those guys immediately and as long as they run shows they’ve got my loyalty forever. No matter what I’m doing if they call me I’m there for them. That’s how I feel.

The shows tonight were again off the hook. The first show especially was a monster but the second one didn’t stink. They were a little rowdy but nowhere near the zoo it was last night. I read them well and spiced it up a little because I could see that’s what they would react to the best and they did. I did the job this week and earned every penny of my pay.

I feel bad my friend is having marital issues but it was a mistake to bring him along and in the future I’m going to be more careful. I’ve had people in the past tag along with me on the road for various reasons and it’s a week of babysitting in many cases. I don’t want to have to make sure the other person is entertained. I’m here to work and I want to focus.

I did get a chance to hit the Rendezvous restaurant and have some of their famous ribs. I’d told my friend how good they were and he agreed. At least we didn’t argue about that.

Tags: Graceland Comedy TN

Friday February 6^th, 2009 - Memphis, TN

The comedy road life as I know it is coming to an end. For me anyway. I can feel it and in some ways I embrace it. In others it scares the hell out of me because it’s been such an ingrained part of my being my entire life that I don’t know if I can just stop cold turkey.

This week in Memphis has the typical ups and downs of life on the road. The club here is one of my very favorites in the country. It’s run by two comics named John Marks and Sammy Martin who know how it is and have created a wonderful working atmosphere to look forward to. They train their audiences and make sure it’s a very comic friendly gig.

The hotel on the other hand is a different story. It’s a flea bag run by middle easterners who think waking Caucasians up numerous times before 8am is a tradition in America. It might have been a nice joint back in ‘77 when Elvis died but that’s the last time I think it was painted or remodeled. It’s not horrible but it wouldn’t be the place I’d choose to stay.

I’ve stayed in enough toilets over the years to just let it ride and not bitch and that’s the plan this week too but after a lifetime on the road it does beat a person down after a while and I talked to John Marks about it. He asked me how the hotel was and I just shot him an angry scowl and we both laughed. He’s a road comic too and knew exactly what I meant.

We talked about it and I totally knew where he was coming from and why they put us in a place like this. They got a deal and the club is closing soon so God bless them for being able to save a couple of bucks. I don’t have a problem with it at all but a few comics gave John some heat about it and that’s a good way to weed your name out for future bookings.

The place we’re staying is less than a minute drive from the club and it’s next to a lot of restaurants and is right off the freeway too. It’s easy to find and for three nights it’s ok but there’s a Motel 6 right across the freeway ramp for the probably the same price and that’s where I’d choose if it were up to me but it’s not. So I’m stuck in the Curry Chicken Inn.

That’s the thing about life on the road - it’s always different. Some weeks the hotel is an absolute palace and the gig is pure hell. Sometimes it’s the opposite. Sometimes both can be really good or both can be really bad. Then a few days later everything is reshuffled.

The reason I say road life is ending at least for me is that I have outgrown it. It’s not fun and exciting like it used to be and it’s not leading anywhere. When I started I needed it to get my comic chops and learn my craft. I’ve done that and more and not only have I been successful at learning my craft I’ve really enjoyed the hands on education about life I got.

Now it’s time to get a hands on education about other things. I know how to be a comic and I know how to live like a cockroach on the road and be a glorified hobo. That was fun for a while but now I have to learn about being in business and taking a week off to come down here just delayed that process yet again. I love John and Sammy and I’m glad to get a chance to work with them one more time before they close but it’s coming to an end.

The next step is to either weed out the road life on this level or take it totally to the top. I don’t think the Blue Collar Comedy Tour stayed in any joints like this and that’s a good thing but all those guys were road comics and they’ve all been through what I’m doing.

The shows are great but the other part is a grind. If I’m doing big shows in theatres and staying in five star hotels and have a tour bus and/or get to fly everywhere it makes it a lot easier to reason being away from home. The road is still a grind even in the best of all this but at least there’s a payoff at the end - HUGE money. Right now I’m still squeaking by.

Putting in my time to develop a mail order business is just a smart thing to do right now in many ways. I’m not getting any younger and while I’m still breathing I want to hook up a new stream of income so I don’t have to keep staying in places like this much longer. If I do take a road gig somewhere I want to have enough money to stay where I want to stay.

Still, I’m glad I came this week. The first show tonight was packed and I was in a zone. I always love working this room and part of that is that they train their audiences to laugh and appreciate good comedy. They book solid comics and John or Sammy host the shows and they’re both excellent emcees and keep it moving correctly. It makes a big difference.

The late show was completely the opposite. There was a birthday party for some young hottie and there were about 30 people who came on a bus. They were gassed before they got off the bus and there was no chance for any of us. The show was doomed before it got started but that’s also part of the ups and downs of road life. Late show Friday is a pisser.

There were several stunning young women in the group and all the comics were staring and drooling and gawking but even that didn’t help the show. It was Nagasaki and we had to work around it which is difficult to do. This is when nobody wants to be the headliner.

I made it through and actually got some laughs from the rest of the audience but it was a struggle the whole way. John apologized but I told him he didn’t have to because we have all experienced shows like this over the years. It’s part of comedy and any lifer knows it.

Ups and downs. That’s what road life is. One show is a treasure. The next one is torture. I can deal with it but I can’t keep coming this far to do it. There are enough gigs closer to home where I can still develop my business during the day and build some financial base.

Another ‘up’ was the delicious rack of ribs I had before the show tonight. Sammy is one of the best chefs anywhere and runs the restaurant in the club and it’s OUTSTANDING. I think Sammy would be a world class restaurateur if he wanted but he has the comedy bug just like all of us and that’s what he enjoys doing. He’s good at it too so that’s his choice.

The ups way outweigh the downs over the years and I’m glad I lived my life like I did. I have wonderful memories of traveling all over North America and I appreciate the chance I got to live my dream. Now my dream is evolving and this part is winding down. I loved it and savor it and will enjoy the rest of my week in Memphis. But it’s time to move on.

Tags: Elvis Blue Collar Comedy Tour

Thursday February 5^th, 2009 - Memphis, TN

It was a balmy 3 degrees as I got up at exactly 3am to pack my car for the drive down to Memphis this week. One of my comedy friends is having marriage hiccups and wanted to get out of the house for a few days and asked if I minded if he came along. I kind of did as I wanted to use the time to think and plan but he was pretty insistent so I just said yes.

What’s a guy to do? I guess I could have said no but then there are bad vibes. It doesn’t really matter if anyone rides along or not since it’s my car and I decide when we leave or stay and I make that very clear before anyone gets in. I don’t like to waste my work time.

That’s what I’ve learned to make my long drives too - WORK time. I rotate between an hour or so of listening to educational or motivational materials followed by maybe jotting down some raw thoughts or trying to outline a comedy bit or movie scene or class lesson.

Maybe I’ll do a crossword puzzle or listen to a comedy recording of a friend or fun stuff that appeals to ME. Having to hear about someone’s marriage problems or how great that new serpent in the white house is can tend to put a strain on any friendship for 668 miles.

He really is a nice guy and I’m sorry he’s having a rocky marriage but that’s not my job to be anyone’s marriage counselor. As a friend I can listen and I really try to be a quality friend but sometimes it gets to a point where the best steak in the world couldn’t hide my bad taste for sitting and getting sniped at by certain people’s problems. It beats me down.

This isn’t a time to be beaten down. This is a time to recharge my life and make my run at the big time and God forbid have lots of….f-f-f….f-f-f…uh…er…ah ..oh yeah…..fun! I’ll suck it up this weekend because it’s only three days and hopefully I can get to some of my projects that are holding me back from living how and where I want to live my life.

We pulled into Memphis about 6pm. The weather got better as we drove south and it’s downright pleasant right now. There’s no snow anywhere to be seen and it’s like a mini spring break in a way. We took our coats off and cruised through town like we were in a parade. We had windows down and big smiles and we waved at anyone who’d look at us.

The show tonight at Comedy Tennessee was KILLER. There was a small house but it’s never an issue when they are this good. I did about 50 minutes and didn’t break a sweat. It flowed from within me and I didn’t let a long drive with little sleep stop me from doing a great show. I knew I needed to have a solid set and they appreciated it so that made it fun.

The guys who own this club are two of the nicest guys I’ve ever met who run a club or a steady comedy venue. They’re both comics themselves and really try to treat us like we’re someone rather than many other clubs who treat us like a disposable diaper after it’s full.

This is the part of comedy that grinds on us all. Yes, the money is nice and making it is a thrill but getting up at 3am to drive 668 miles to Memphis isn’t. I'll earn every penny.

Tags: Comedy Tennessee

Wednesday February 4^th, 2009 - Lake Villa, IL

Here it comes! I can feel a rumble in the distance in my life like never before and I just know things are about to start shaking and baking. My phone is ringing off the hook and I am even farther behind on emails than I usually am but they’re all positive and I know it’s all leading to something big - well, bigger than I’m used to anyway. This is payoff time.

How long that time will last I don’t know but this is it. I’ve worked for years at a lot of different things and they’re all coming together as one. My circle of contacts has not been the ones most others have made but they’re now getting positions of power and they have put me on their list of people to call. I couldn’t be more flattered and I’m ready to DO it!

I saw the movie ‘The Wrestler’ with Mickey Rourke a few days ago and loved it. I have lots of experience in pro wrestling from my years of ring announcing and TV play by play work and eventually promoting my own shows to mixed results. I thought Mickey Rourke nailed the character he played and I know several guys personally who remind me of him.

The associate producer of the movie is a guy I met years ago because of comedy classes. He managed a wrestler named ‘Luscious Johnny’ Valiant who wanted to be a comedian. I remember paying to see Johnny Valiant and his ‘brother’ ‘Handsome Jimmy’ when I was a kid so I knew who he was. Johnny and I became friends and that’s still cool even now.

The manager is a good guy too and he’s got a lot of irons in the fire and is working on a new movie project and has his own radio show too which I’ve been on a few times. He is a fan of mine and now he’s got some heat. Who knows where any of this could lead but it feels good knowing someone I know personally is having a hot streak. I’m happy for him.

My friend Bull Pain gave me a call today too. I was so busy running around with all my errands I didn’t call him back but I will. He of anyone can relate to the movie because he is a lifer in the wrestling business just like the ‘Randy The Ram’ character was. That’s not a bad thing at all though. At least he has passion plus he’s really good at it. Bull is a pro.

I’m the same way in comedy too. I’m a lifer. I’m sick of the road in many ways but I’m not sick of the shows. I love them now more than ever. Hearing the crowd pop with a big laugh never EVER gets old and the louder it is the more it soothes all of my inner hurts.

Those are really starting to go away now as I get older. The young angry buck is giving way to the wise old geezer but I’m not all the way there yet. There’s still a little gas left in my tank for one more run and I know I’m right at the cusp of it right now. Getting on TV is the first step and I can’t blow that and I won’t. I’ll show up in L.A. and get my set in.

It’s a lot more than that though. Getting publicity for a run of the mill white boy doing a four and a half minute comedy set on late night television is no small task. I have contacts in media both in Milwaukee and Chicago and I will use them to my advantage. I need this to get me on the map with some people and then I need to keep the momentum growing.

I have all the ingredients to build that great life I’ve always dreamed of and now it’s my combination of choices in the next little while which will determine if I actually do it how I planned it or not. I’m sure there will be a few surprises along the way. There always are.

The main thing I can feel is the lack of bitterness I have right now compared to before. I admit I was one pissed off salty dog about a lot of things and looking back on my life I’m probably justified in a lot of it but that anger cost me a lot of opportunities. I didn’t know how to deal with it and other people were afraid of it and it was not helping me advance.

Sure I’m still a little miffed about a few things but it’s not the all consuming rage I have felt in the past. I just don’t care anymore. Most of the people I’ve had my tiffs with aren’t even in a position to hurt me now and they mean nothing to me. I‘ve grown. They didn‘t.

Dave Luczak is an example. He’s a morning DJ in Milwaukee and has never been nice to me. In fact he’s gone out of his way to keep me off his radio show even though he has comedians on every week. We had a falling out over a comedy bit I did years ago and he has never had me back on since. That used to really hurt but now I couldn’t care less.

I remember he and I standing in his studio alone and he looked at me and said ‘There’ll come a day when I will tell people Dobie Maxwell used to beg me to be on my show and nobody will believe it. But I’ll never have you on so don’t even ask.’ Wow did that hurt.

In the subsequent years I’ve really tried to patch it up and make it right and at least stop the hostility but he never would answer my letters and that bothered me. Today I saw he’s attempting to do comedy himself at some theatre gig in Racine I did last year and I looked at the ad in the paper and laughed. He hasn’t paid his dues but he wants to be a comedian.

Who doesn’t? It’s FUN to be on stage getting laughs when everyone is enjoying a show. It’s the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life but it comes with a price. He’ll probably have a nice crowd there who will love him and that’s great - but they know him from the radio.

Take a ride two hours in any direction where they don’t know the radio show and then it becomes a whole different story. I’ve spent 20 plus years earning the right to go up at any comedy club, juke joint, honky tonk, hell hole or anywhere else that has a mike and kick a room full of strangers in the ass and take no prisoners. THAT is an exhilarating feeling.

I don’t hate Dave Luczak. I don’t wish him any bad. I don’t care anymore. He doesn’t affect me at all and he’s nothing to me. There was a time when all I wanted was to be part of that show just like all the other comedians in town were but I got kicked off and treated like a soiled pair of undies and it really hurt to my inner core. Now I just shrug it all off.

I’ve worked in bigger markets than Dave Luczak and played bigger audiences and that’s what I want to focus on from now on. Those past demons are dead and I don’t want to put one ounce of energy into even looking into where they went. This is my time to shine and I am going to enjoy every single fraction of a second of it. THAT is what true success is.

Tags: Mickey Rourke

Tuesday February 3^rd, 2009 - Chicago, IL

March 10^th, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy. Or mystery. Or sodomy. That is the locked in taping date for me in Los Angeles for The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. I received word today after a long process of going back and forth and I’m very excited to finally have it locked down. It’s been a long time coming and I’ve earned my opportunity.

Having even one shot on national television adds credibility to a lifetime of struggle but it sure doesn’t guarantee anything other than being on TV for four and a half minutes. It’s not a guaranteed career maker and it’s not even a guaranteed money maker. I have to foot my own bill to get out there but I knew that was part of the deal when I signed up for this.

This is a chance to get a nice up to date tape from a show that’s currently on the air and that should be used to up my price in doing more corporate type or theatre shows. A lot of comics have credits on shows that have long gone off the air like ‘Comedy On The Road’ or ‘An Evening At The Improv’ or ‘VH1 Standup Spotlight’ or any number of others.

Comedy shows come and go on television and I never got into that mix. I never pursued it because I never felt I was ready for it but now I totally am. I’ve learned my craft and am sure of who I am on stage and even though I probably passed up some good money at the time I’m glad I didn’t do any shows back then because I would have looked like an idiot.

I won’t look like an idiot on March 10^th. I know what I’m doing. I might not change the face of broadcast media forever but I won’t lay butt dumplings in my shorts either. I know how to do four and a half minutes of standup comedy and I have a month to prepare for it.

To be honest I don’t even remember what I sent in the set I submitted. I remember I did go back and forth a few times with the talent booker but only on the use of references that mentioned corporate brand names. Sometimes that’s part of the joke even without being a negative but those are the rules and that’s what I have to follow. I’m not worried about it.

I’ll dust off the set I sent in and start working on it immediately. I have a month to work on it and polish it and that’s exactly what I’ll do. I will be ready when the red light flashes on the camera and I won’t blow it. I’m going to enjoy every second of the experience and just have fun. I’m not at all over my head and nervousness is not an issue. I can DO this.

I would love to be in great physical shape and tan and look good on camera and dress in hip trendy sexy clothing to make every MILF housewife in America want to mail me their underwear but none of that is realistic. I’m a 45 year old white guy from Milwaukee with bad genetics who’s lucky to be still standing after all I’ve been through. I’m not Brad Pitt.

But I have to believe Brad Pitt can’t get an audience to laugh and if there’s one thing I’ll be able to do it’s that. I’ve been on local and regional TV many times before and I haven’t embarrassed myself then and I don’t plan on doing it now. I will show up in L.A. with my four and a half minutes ready to go and hopefully get my chance to finally start a career.

This is a whole new era in how entertainment works. It used to be a comedian got a shot on national television and it opened up doors. The Tonight Show was the king of them all and if Johnny liked you that was it. Overnight you’d be in a new league and bookings and money would roll in like drunks out of the cold in winter. It doesn’t work like that now.

With the dawn of the internet it now seems to be every comic for his or her self and that isn’t necessarily a negative thing at all. On one hand it gives talented people a chance at a larger audience but on the other it gives hacks a chance to pollute the market and water it all down. Any frat boy with a camera daddy bought him can paste his puss up on the net.

There were always hacks and non talents in comedy but they weren’t as able to get seen by a mass audience as they are now. It really does come down to marketing though. I wish funny was the only currency for who gets rich in comedy but that’s never going to be true. I can’t waste my time worrying about it though. I have to hustle up my own batch of fans.

Examples of other people I think have really done this well are Brian McKim and Traci Skene who have an online publication called “Shecky Magazine”. It’s a website about all things comedy that’s been going for years and they bust their ass doing it and are fair and balanced reporters of what’s going on in the comedy world. They’ve built a good name.

The site is www.sheckymagazine.com and they were onto the internet game years ago. Kudos to them for doing it right. Another site I just discovered yesterday is one co-owned by Bruce Baum called ‘The Outernet’. What a great name. Why didn’t I think of that? It’s a site about comedy and comedians and I found out about it through a myspace bulletin.

That’s another thing comedians need to be aware of now that wasn’t an issue years ago. All the social networking sites like myspace.com and facebook.com and the rest of them are all being inundated with comedians looking to give free tickets away for the late show Friday in Wichita. Still, a lot of people have really built followings through these sites.

How do I stand out from every other comedian good or bad? I used to think it was to be funnier than most of them but that isn’t necessarily the case anymore. It’s becoming a big viral marketing campaign and I can either fight it or accept it. I choose to accept it and am going to approach this as a contest to see how many people I can get to come see me live.

Bruce Baum is a guy who I admired when I started because I used to watch him back in the ‘70s on the show ‘Make Me Laugh’. I met him a couple of times when I lived in Utah and he was very nice and very complimentary of my show too. He’s very smart by being a part of the evolution of comedy and starting his website. It’s at www.theouternet.com.

If I’m going to be a player at all I have to keep cranking out comedy and also keep up to speed on my social networking and regular networking too. Being on television doesn’t at all hurt me in that area so I’ll knuckle down and get ready to go out to L.A. and do my set.

While I’m there I also want to meet with the Jeff Foxworthy management people and start a relationship with them too. This is my time to shine and I couldn’t be any more excited.

Tags: SHecky Magazine The Outernet

Monday February 2^nd, 2009 - Chicago, IL

Groundhog Day. I hadn’t seen that movie in I don’t know when so as corny as it sounds I popped the DVD into my computer and watched it again today. I totally loved it when it first came out and recently I found the DVD at some thrift store cheap so I snapped it up.

Bill Murray just blows me away. What a fantastic talent he is in my opinion. I can’t say enough about his performance in a lot of films but this one really showcases his brilliance on a lot of levels. He can play it straight or funny and in this role he nailed both of them.

The whole movie just fits together perfectly. The rest of the cast is also outstanding and I think it falls into one of those rare movies that can be called a true modern classic. There aren’t that many films that I can think of that belong there but I think this one surely does.

‘The Shawshank Redemption’ is another one in that category as is ‘This Is ‘Spinal Tap’. There are a few more that pop into my head like ‘Goodfellas’ and ‘Fargo’ and ‘Full Metal Jacket’ in the beginning when they’re in boot camp. I could watch a movie like that many times and never get sick of it and I felt that way as I watched Groundhog Day over again.

‘Caddyshack’ is like that for me and so is ‘A Christmas Story’. ‘Back To The Future’ is another one. Wait a minute. I guess the classics aren’t as rare as I thought. Or maybe they are. Even with these several titles there are still countless other movies that are total duds.

I’m talking about a movie I can sit down and watch all the way through and enjoy it and not have to fast forward through any scenes to get to the one or two good ones. It’s a little like a music CD. There are many with one or two or even three good songs but how many sustain a good solid flow and keep a listener interested all the way through? Not many.

Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ does that in my opinion. There isn’t a bad song on the disc and it still sounds great today. Personal opinions of Michael Jackson aside that’s a world class recording. I think ‘Saturday Night Fever’ is too. It may be dated to some but I think that whole double album set is outstanding from beginning to end. But what do I know?

Not a whole hell of a lot and I admit it. My taste is stuck somewhere between Caucasian boring and Wisconsin hick but I like what I like and I’m getting a better handle on what it is as I get older. I may not like what the masses like but I do have a pretty defined palate.

I like things that are smart and well done and polished into a slick package. ‘Groundhog Day’ was a movie that did all of those things and since I hadn’t seen it in a while I totally enjoyed it all over again. Some parts I remembered but some I didn’t so it was new again.

I also hosted the rising star showcase at Zanies in Chicago tonight. I’ve got one on each Monday of the month and that’s going to add up and almost pay next month’s rent so I’m not complaining at all. I have a notebook full of new jokes to work in so I’ll use this time to keep growing and getting better. Hopefully I can create a classic of my own someday.

Tags: Bill Murray Michael Jackson Zanies